Ranch Dressing

As we organized the pantry last autumn, I wrote about repurposing used canning jars to hold everything from spice blends to pine nuts. Still one of the best uses I can think of for a retired canning jar is as the traditional vessel for ranch dressing. That's because, true to its name, ranch dressing is as homey as you can get, especially if that home is a dude ranch with plank tables for dining and a big sunny kitchen turning out breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks for ranch hands and city slickers alike. Ranch dressing is true California cooking, and it comes from John's and my home away from home, good ol' Santa Barbara. Perhaps that accounts for the qualities of the dressing both on the salad greens and on the taste buds: it cool in reflection of its Yukon roots but mellow in response to that relaxed Santa Barbara vibe.

Anyone who has watched the evening news or shopped in a supermarket has encountered the term "Hidden Valley," but it turns out that rather than the work of an advertising agency, that was a real place. Hidden Valley was the name of a dude ranch owned by Steve and Gayle Henson. Steve had worked as a contractor in Alaska during the 1950's where, legend says, he perfected a dip for fresh vegetables that was based, as many cream dressings are, on mayonnaise and buttermilk. Once Steve and Gayle opened Hidden Valley in Santa Barbara, they started serving "ranch" dressing to guests, who liked it so much that the Hensons began selling spice packets for the guests to take home. Those spice packets eventually moved to the salad bar and the supermarket aisle, and a genuine American food invention moved beyond a local specialty to become the best selling flavor of bottled salad dressing in the country.

Though ranch is the most popular salad dressing on the American table, you don't get a true sense of how popular it is until you spend some time in Santa Barbara. Santa Barbara is the perfect mix of ranch chic and wine country elegance, which resonates with those qualities of ranch dressing that are simultaneously rustic and sophisticated. You will probably start your dinner at the Hitching Post with one of their signature fried artichokes (another California specialty), but don't even think of ordering the dinner salad that follows it with any dressing other than Ranch. Expect to find ranch dressing at virtually every table you visit: attending the crudités at your hotel's happy hour, limning your iceberg wedge at the lunch place, anointing your omelet at the breakfast buffet.

The original recipe for ranch dressing is proprietary. That said, no California cook worth their stash of Chardonnay doesn't have their own recipe for ranch dressing. The dressing from our urban ranch is a jumble of flavors bonded in the cool middle, served and stored in the traditional Mason jar. In homage to the original, this ranch is a respectful distillation of California cooking and Santa Barbara ease. It is perfect on chopped green salad or as a dip for fresh veggies or crackers.

Ranch Dressing
Wild or Texas onions are typically available at farmers markets or produce stands and often appear at the supermarket. If you can't obtain wild/Texas onions, use a small white onion. A box grater is an essential item in your urban kitchen; here's one we like. Wear a cut-resistant mesh glove when working with a grater; here's one we like.

3/4 cup mayonnaise
1/2 cup sour cream
1/2 cup buttermilk, plus extra if necessary
2 teaspoons white vinegar
1 medium clove garlic
1 small wild or Texas onion
1 bunch flat-leaf parsley
1 bunch fresh chives
1 teaspoon sweet paprika
1/2 teaspoon hot paprika
1/2 teaspoon dried cayenne pepper
Table salt
Freshly ground black pepper

1. Rinse both the chives and the parsley under cool water and lay both bunches of herbs upon a double layer of paper towels to dry.
2. Carefully use a paring knife to remove the stem and root ends from the onion. Position the box grated on a dinner plate. Put a cut-proof kitchen glove on your hand. Beginning with whichever end of the onion is flattest, use the gloved hand to carefully run the cut onion across (not up and down) the small holes of the grater so that the grated onion falls onto the plate. Keep going until you have grated most of the onion.
3. Set the grater aside and remove the glove. There should be between 2 and 3 tablespoons of grated onion on the plate. Measure out 2 - 2-1/2 tablespoons grated onion and transfer the measure of grated onion to the well of a small mixing bowl. Sprinkle the onion with salt. Use a silicon spatula to mix the salt into the onion.
4. Pat the parsley dry. Place the parsley on a clean cutting board reserved for vegetables. Safely use a medium kitchen knife to rough-cut the parsley. Measure 1/4 cup chopped parsley and add to the salted onion in the mixing bowl. Transfer the remaining parsley into a plastic food bag and refrigerate for another usage.
5. If warranted, rinse the cutting board and pat it dry. Place the chives on the cutting board and safely use the kitchen knife to rough-cut the chives into tiny pieces. Measure 2 tablespoons chopped chives and add to the salted onion-parsley mixture in the mixing bowl.
6. Peel the garlic and remove the root end. Half each clove; remove and discard any sprouting from the center. Use a garlic press to press the garlic into the onion-herb mixture.
7. Sprinkle the garlic-onion-herb mixture with 2 teaspoons white vinegar. Use the silicon spatula to stir the mixture together. Cover the bowl and set the mixture aside to cure for 1/2 hour.
8. After 1/2 hour, measure the mayonnaise and the sour cream into a medium mixing bowl. Use a wire whisk to the whisk the ingredients together until the mixture is smooth and creamy with no lumps.
9. Uncover the bowl containing the cured garlic-onion-herb mixture. Use the silicon spatula to transfer the garlic-onion-herb mixture into the bowl containing the mayonnaise-sour cream mixture. Use the spatula to scrape the side of the bowl to get every last bit of the cured mixture into the cream mixture.
10. Use the wire whisk to whisk the cured garlic-onion-herb mixture into the mayonnaise-sour cream mixture to make the dressing base.
11. Sprinkle the dressing base with the paprikas and several grindings of fresh black pepper. Whisk the spices into the dressing base.
12. Measure 1/2 cup buttermilk into a glass measuring cup with a spout. Hold the measuring cup over the bowl and use one hand to pour the buttermilk in a thin stream into the dressing base, using the other hand to whisk the buttermilk into the dressing base as you pour. Use the spatula to scrap the side of the measuring cup to get every last bit of the buttermilk into the dressing base.
13. Test the dressing for consistency. Add a bit more buttermilk if desired.
14. Transfer the dressing to a clean quart Mason jar. Place a clean lid and band on the Mason jar. Refrigerate the dressing until ready to serve.

Please note: this dressing makes no claims to the original formulation.