Banes, Worts, and Shades
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Children of the night often study in
the shade of apothecary gardens. In these, known interchangeably if
somewhat inaccurately as poison gardens, are housed, studied,
cultivated, and cared for the banes, worts, shades, weeds, and other
plants significant for their antiquity, medicinal heritage, and
general contribution to the macabre. The best known poison garden is The Alnwick Garden in England. Others of interest include the medicinal garden at the Mutter Museum, and The Chelsea Physic. At these, knowledgeable docents guide the
curious, studious, and/or morbid safely at a distance through this
particularly wicked tangle of growth.
Note: “Solely the dose determines the
poison,” to paraphrase Paraclesus, a pioneer in toxicology who
recognized how many common plants are poisonous. Case in point: your
juicy garden tomato is a member of the nightshade family, which does
not mean that tomatoes are poisonous but does point out how far the roots and tendrils of plant families reach. Always assume that most
plants are toxic and always remember that many plants are lethal.
Untrained hands do not go near such poetically nomenclatured killers
as belladonna (deadly nightshade), Mandrake, henbane, curare,
hemlock, Jimson, or any other of the poisonous plants too numerous to
list here. Likewise the infinite toxic and fatal varieties of fungus.
As compelling as plants can be, never touch, smell, or ingest any
plant or fungus you don't know for a fact is safe, and get thee to
the emergency room in the event than anyone does.
Banes, Worts, and Shades
As with all lists and guides at Urban Home Blog,
this is a list of suggestions. It has been vetted for accuracy and
safety against scientific and professional texts including Practical
Botany for Gardeners (Geoff Hodge; University of Chicago Press,
2013), The Kingdom of Fungi (Jens. H Petersen; Princeton
University Press, 2012), and Casarett & Doul's Toxicology,
Fifth Edition, (Curtis
D. Kasseen; McGraw-Hill, 1996). As noted above, always assume that most plants are toxic and always remember that many plants are lethal. Never touch, smell,
or ingest any plant or fungus you don't know for a fact is safe, and call 911 or Poison Control and go to the emergency room in the event that anyone does.
Black Plants. Black is the color of
western mourning, but black plants celebrate the dark side with the
elegance of widow's weeds. There are enough black expressions of
common plantings to keep any home garden morbid and opulent,
including elephant ears (Colocasia escultenta Black Magic),
bugle weed (Ajuga reptans), coleus (Solenostemon Dark
Star), mondo grass (Ophiopogon planiscapus Nigrescens),
bamboo (Phyllostachys nigra), pussy willows (Salix
gracilostylis v. melanostachys), and ornamental peppers
(Capiscum Black Pearl). Still, the spectrum of night belongs
to exotics. Favorite inhabitants include wild ginger (Asarum
maximum), bird of paradise (Streliztia nicholai), Lenten
Rose (Helleborus xx hybridus), maxillaria (Maxillaria
schunkeana), fritillaria (fritillaria persica), lilies
Voodoo (Dracunculus vulagris) and Cobra (Arisaema
concinnum), Dracula orchids including Devil's (Dracula
diabola) and Vampire's (Dracula vampira), the truly
shocking Devil's Tongue (Amorphophallus konjac), and the
jaw-dropping Batflower (Tacca chantrieri).
Mourning Blossoms. If ever anything
evokes a whiff of sense memory, it is funeral home flowers. We could
fill our funerary vase with too many black flowers to detail here,
including tulips, hollyhock, daylily, iris, columbine, primrose,
dahlia, viola, and poppy, but don't believe any horticulturalist who
claims to have conquered the mythic black rose. Absent a specific
favorite of the deceased's, funeral home flowers are either refined
arrangements of elegant white blooms such as calla lilies, or
dramatic gatherings of dramatic blooms such as snapdragons or lilies.
Whatever the funeral flowers, it is certain their fragrance will be
heady. We who like the heavy florals of mourning drape ourselves with
lily of the valley or wisteria beginning with bath time, such as
soap, shower gel, body powder and hand cream from Crabtree &
Evelyn, Caswell & Massey, or Yardley's. And we never step out
into the night absent our amphora of Demeter fragrance spray in Funeral Home.
Carnivorous Plants. Anyone who
questions the theory of evolution need look no further than at plants
that consume flesh. This small but might army of carnivores does its
deeds by attracting prey via fragrance or nectar, trapping it within
the confines of the plant, and then devouring the prey via digestive
enzyme. Typically the prey is insects, though wicked pitcher plants
(Nepenthes) have reportedly consumed mice. These tall, trumpet
shaped plants are the showoffs of meat-eating bog dwellers; but as is
often the case, the runts get most of the work done. Birth-
(Aristolochia clematitis) and bladderworts (Utrichularia)
consume prey as tiny as larvae, in a symbiotic relationship with the
swamp that augments the work done by bats. Any graduate of fifth
grade science class has met the most common carnivorous plant: the
Venus Flytrap (Dionaea muscipula).
Flytraps as house plants are easy to grow and they do
in fact trap flies, but they are not for everyone. Those serrations
on the edge of the trap may look like teeth but they're not, and
while it is common to place a fingertip into the trap to witness it
closing, that is inappropriate etiquette towards the plant. The Venus
Flytrap is benign but intelligent, and when molested, it may enforce
the correct code of behavior by releasing the corpse (or corpses) of
its meals.
Fungi. Fungi aren't plants but their kingdom is so kooky that it deserves a home cultivator's affection.
Fungi by nature are perverse, which is part of their charm. They
thrive in environments such as dank caves or fetid wetlands, which is
why you steel yourself for a case of the icks after a storm or when
you go to clean the shower stall. Other than mold and mildew, the
most common household fungus is the gloriously weird, generous, and
determined mushroom. The white button mushroom on your pizza was
probably husbanded and harvested in a cave, proof that fungi and
humans have coexisted since both of our species were living in holes
in the ground. Accordingly, while you may have fungi in your
basement, rather than try to befriend that try a mushroom log,
available as an educational kit similar to an ant farm. Just remember
that, while friendly, even jokesters, fungi are no joke. Many people
are allergic, and black mold where present must be handled by a
trained professional.
Stink Weeds. Frittilaria are an odd group of
plants whose presence belies their medieval provenance as a staple of
apothecary gardens. They seem as medieval as they are, presenting
bell shaped flowers that droop naturally to the ground, the petals
often patterned as if from burlap, the plant powdered with magic
dust. Some fritillaries emit an odor, meant to attract the correct
perverts for pollination and to repel the rest of us, that gives these
stately oddballs their common name of stinkweed. Fritillaria are
available but underutilized in modern landscaping; try them in full
sun with well-drained soil and a cold overwintering. The most gothic
growth of them all is wormwood (Artemisia absinthium). This
leggy herb contributes to Absinthe's complex herbal flavor and,
at least mythically, to the hallucinogenic quality some claim with
the louche. Wormwood grows with some effort when planted and tended
as the herb it is: plenty of sun, well drained soil, watchful
fertilization. Artemisia is an outdoor plant but skilled growers can
grow passable wormwoods indoors, provided the sun and tending
adequately replicate growing conditions. As with fritillaries,
wormwood emits a fragrance that may be inadvisable in homes with
small children, the elderly, pets, or anyone with atmospheric
sensitivity – or a sensitivity to the creepy-crawlies it may very
well attract.
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